Promises, Promises

So this Saturday I'm driving to Minnesota. I'm taking my grandparents' ashes up to be buried at Fort Snelling and I'm actually looking forward to some quiet time in the car. By myself. It will be so nice to get away from the bitching and whining of my job and the stupidity of my life.

I don't understand myself sometimes. Well most of the time. I seek out power, I think. Just for the sake of being in charge and then I resent the responsibility. And then I cry. It's really quite pitiful.

So enough of the cryptic right? I don't understand why I accepted a promotion at work when it was just supposed to be a job... not a career but just a job until I could figure things out. And now I feel stuck and I can't breathe because I've fucking sold out.

A part of me feels like I've given up on actually becoming the person I want to be and I'm settling for what's offered.

It's not good. I guess that's an understatement.

So I'm taking a week off and I'm going to drive in my car for hours upon hours and take stock of my life and really decide what I want. And then I'm going to fucking do it.

before . after