Where is my Mind?

I feel the need to incoherently babble and diaryland has just become my victim! Ha ha!

I don't have a topic in mind so let's just see what unfolds...

My severe writer's block lifted today to my surprise and happiness. For the past month it has seemed difficult to string two words together much less a whole paragraph but tonight I the words flowed! Well at least for an hour or two. Hopefully it won't go away. '

Also, it occuried to me that it's been over a year since I graced (I use the term loosely) the stage and you know what? I don't miss it as much as I thought I would. Occasionally I think that I might go back out 'there' for something small or for kicks but I never follow through. And I'm okay with that.

I'm currently at my grandparent's house (even though they're dead, I still refer to this house as theirs and the car as theirs, etc. Confuses quite a few people) trying to sift through their things and get everything packed so the house can go on the market. For a while I was depressed about this... I wanted to hang onto the house merely for sentimental reasons ignoring the fact that I can barely afford my own bills, much less keep up with two households. Now I'm anxious to be rid of it. The house is a thing, it's not my grandparents. It took me a while to realize that.

I'm tired and stressed and overworked and yet I don't work enough. I overslept today to the extreme annoyance of my co-workers. Luckily I'm cool so I was quickly forgiven.

By the way, that last sentence was pure sarcasm. Just in case it didn't come across.

It's not been a good year. I can say that even though we've just now entered the 8th month and everyone around me says "you never know, it could turn around for you!". Yeah, I'm usually quite the optimist myself, but I can safely say that 2005 is not going down in the record books as a great year... or even a passable one. I'm thinking a big spidery D.

I'm somewhat content ... but even that statement is mostly a lie. This year it seems everything I lack has come strangely in focus. As if I was in denial for 27 years of my life and now that I'm approaching 28, the rose-colored glasses have been ripped off my face. It's not fun. There's too much emptiness.

Alright, before I get all sentimental and weepy, I think I'm going to stop this babble. Because you know, that would just be embarrassing.

before . after